Sophie Bowles
Family & Divorce Law
Negotiating Christmas for Separated Parents
Co-parenting at Christmas doesn’t have to mean conflict. Plan early, stay flexible, and focus on what really matters with our quick guide.
For parents who are separated or divorced, the festive season can be especially sensitive. While Christmas often brings joy and celebration, it can also evoke strong emotions and logistical issues regarding where children will stay and how finances will be handled. The key to preventing conflict is to plan ahead, keep conversations child-centred, and stay flexible as the holiday draws near.
Plan Early and Stay Organised
It is wise to start discussions about Christmas contact before December. Beginning early enables both parents to organise travel, family visits, and holiday activities without last-minute stress. Many families find it useful to confirm arrangements in writing, either by email or through a parenting communication app like OurFamilyWizard or Cozi. A clear written record can prevent misunderstandings and offer reassurance to both parents.
Keep the Focus on the Children
Every decision should centre on what is best for the children, not what feels “fair” to each parent. Children benefit from consistency, low stress, and the opportunity to enjoy meaningful time with both sides of their family. Avoid putting them in the position of having to choose where to go or whom to spend Christmas with. A collaborative tone helps foster the sense of stability children need during an emotionally charged time of year.
Be Flexible and Willing to Compromise
Few families have the same priorities, so compromise is necessary. Many parents take turns celebrating Christmas each year, while others split the day or share the broader school holidays. For example:
Alternating years: One parent has the children for Christmas Day one year, and the other the following year.
Dividing the day: Children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with one parent, and Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day with the other.
Dividing the holidays: Each parent takes one week of the school break, alternating annually.
If geography makes sharing the day difficult, consider establishing a “second Christmas” on a different date, ensuring both parents can celebrate with the children in a relaxed manner.
Coordinate Gifts and Expectations
Financial pressures can increase in December, especially when parents are buying gifts separately. It is helpful to agree on a budget and share information about what each parent plans to buy. This prevents duplication, overspending, or competitive gift-giving, which can cause unnecessary stress on children and finances. Grandparents and extended family should also be kept informed to ensure consistency.
Establish New Traditions
While separation often changes how Christmas looks, it does not have to lessen the sense of occasion. Creating new traditions can help children adapt and look forward to different celebrations. Whether it is a movie night, a special meal, or an outing during the time spent together, these rituals can help everyone feel secure and positive about the arrangements.
If You Cannot Agree
Even with goodwill, some parents struggle to agree on festive contact. In such cases, several options should be considered before resorting to court.
Mediation: A neutral mediator can assist both parties in exploring solutions and reaching an agreement peacefully.
Solicitor negotiation: A family law solicitor can communicate on your behalf and formalise the agreement in writing.
Court order (last resort): If all other options have been exhausted, an application can be made to the Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order. This should be regarded as a final measure, as it can be lengthy and costly, and there is no assurance that a decision will be made before Christmas. The court will determine its decision solely based on the child’s welfare, in accordance with section 1 of the Children Act 1989.
Financial Considerations
Beyond contact arrangements, separated parents should also consider festive spending. Costs for gifts, clothing, or travel can rise, and many separated families find December particularly challenging. Early discussions about who will pay for what—especially where maintenance payments are involved—can help prevent disagreements. If financial circumstances have changed significantly, it might be possible to review maintenance through negotiation, mediation, or, when necessary, the Child Maintenance Service.
Alison Brotherton, a Consultant in the family law team, said:
“Christmas can be emotionally difficult for separated families, but with careful planning and a cooperative attitude, it can also be a time of reassurance and joy for children. The key is to concentrate on what matters most—their happiness and wellbeing—rather than dwelling on old disagreements. Parents who approach arrangements early and constructively, and have good communication, are much more likely to enjoy a peaceful and memorable festive season for everyone involved.”